May 5, 2056

Bad day.

What started as usual vendor hopping resulted in more infighting after Ava got a set of Power Armor. Cam's got some real deep-seeded trauma about the Enclave, and seeing their armor on her really freaked him out. That's an understatement but I dunno how else to put it. Halsey got super upset and yelled at him.
Cam is fucking devastated. He's really emotionally hurt, Halsey tore open wounds I didn't even know he had. I've never seen his self-esteem be this low.
We can't do much for him but let him mend on his own time. Halsey seemed to get the gravity of it after Irene told him what had happened to make him fly into such a panicked rage.

The others found Leftist's girlfriend. Alive, but seriously wounded. She's in the medbay. I imagine we'll understand what's happened to her and Leftist when she comes to. Till then, I think we're all worried the poor man's dead...

The real crusher is Lombardi. We found him yesterday in the mines, and he spent the day recovering and catching up to speed. He's informed us of an ultimatum- either we go with him after the Saturno is repaired, or we stay here and fight this war that this world's engulfed in.
And, frankly, I don't like the choice of staying...

He was right when he said this isn't our war to be fighting. We have nothing to do with this, we just showed up. We have no attachment to this place, to this world, to this organization who has taken us in. We're just hired guns. Yeah, they give us money for helping fight their battles and do their work, but beyond that I've got nothing here.
I worry that we're just being used. Propaganda easily twists perceptions, and yeah, these Gou'ald are slavers and brainwashers, but what if neither side is good? That's my real concern. There is never a black and white, and I worry what nefarious things the military organization we are under now may be doing or planning to do.
I know the others want to fight for justice, to free the people under the Gou'ald, that they can't just leave people in that situation. It's noble, really. But...

I really want to go home. This war they're fighting... it looks like a massive losing battle. And if I die here, will I go home, or will I be gone forever? What about Ripley? I promised her we'd make it home.
If I die, what about Mantle? To doom her to spend the rest of her days without me, it's tearing me apart. I miss her so much. It's agony to be without her. She is my first memory of the Surface, and I want her to be my last. I'd do anything to be by her side again. Even what Leftist did.

I love Manta more than life. Even if it meant getting my memories back, I wouldn't leave her forever. She's my sunshine and my light in life. My world. My voice of reason. My painkiller. She makes my dead hearts tempt beating again. If there's anyone I had to spend eternity with, it'd be her.
Her restless mind stirring. The passion in her actions. The cool touch of her tentacles at night. Her light gray gaze. Her head against my shoulder. The way in which she tries, against every fibre of her being, to be expressive and talkative so she can better communicate with me. She doesn't have to do it. The way she kisses...
I hope, if I die and never return to her, that she's able to find purpose. I know she struggles with that. She was never able to find something to dedicate herself to, until me. For that I owe her so much.
I just want to go home to her.

We have 6 days to decide.
I think we're staying.
I'm not going to leave Ripley's side. I will do my best to ensure she gets home. She may be brash and stubborn and we may butt heads a lot, but she's dear to me. Like a weird little sister.
I suppose staying also means we are able to continue looking for the Elite girl. I didn't even think of her much, with all this chaos, but she's still on my mind pretty heavily.
We'll find her, eventually.

I guess we have a wedding to attend to, first.


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