LOST OCTS - Blog


Nov 12, 2056 Dear Sam, I feel empty. Things just seem to get worse, even with the glimmers of hope that occasionally come by. I just want to become a part of the void at this point and disappear into the shade. I had an awful dream. I'm not even sure if it was a dream. It was me, but... a me who had stayed with the Corporation. I know it wasn't who I was before, because my name was the same as it is now. But I'd... done terrible things. I mean, it's the Corp, so of course I did. It was the lower portions of the Medical Department. The general area is called Medical Storage, not just because they store the medicine and equipment the upper section needs, but because this is where a majority of test subjects are kept. Lines of holding cells, and further back, stasis pods. I've been to this place in person before, I know it when I see it. But it's... usually such a loud place. Not audibly, no, but the hivemind is violent in this area usually. The subjects are loud and the hivemind is nothing but their agony and despair. But in the dream, it was silent. I didn't pick anything up. Except one thing, I guess, a light ping. Apparently there was some kind of disease that only effected the sanitized going around, and Kamabo was in a tizzy about it. This me had been tasked to cure it, I guess. But the tests for it weren't going well at all. One subject was Ripley... And I found her in stasis, sanitized and in the worst shape. I can't describe it, it was just horrible. Kamabo is vile and that's such an understatement. I just wanted to help, but there was nothing I could do. I was lucid and I just wanted to wake up. I disconnected her and she died in my arms. Just wanted to let her sleep. She kept asking why I'd done this to her. And why have I done this to her? She was right. I've caused so much hurt, and for what. My shitty, headstrong decisions have resulted in nothing but regret. I should've shut my mouth. It's really no wonder why the team treats me the way they do. I forgot who it was that said it, but... someone said it. That everyone treats me like a pet, that nobody respects me. I've known this forever, but... I'm just glad I wasn't imagining it or making it up. No one around here cares to listen to me. Even when I have important things to discuss. When I was finally able to inform the group about our latest intel, they hardly took it seriously. Some of them sharpened up when I informed them about the King's whereabouts, but it didn't mean anything. I was spoken over, got cut off. There was snickering, talking. It had taken ages just to get to do this in person, all my messages in Satnet had basically gone unanswered and ignored. Brushed off like it was no big deal, even after I said it was important. It wasn't just here. It's always been this way... and you know that. It was you who told me you were proud that I spoke up that one day. Maybe that's the day I started realizing how everyone saw me. I let everyone walk all over me. I'm too passive. And when I try to say anything, suddenly it's my fault. I'm the person in the wrong. I guess because I'm just supposed to be some cute little thing and not much else. It was blaringly obvious these past few missions. I already have issues with Trooper, but he speaks over everyone, especially those who call him out on his bullshit like I do. I stopped doing it at some point because it's just not worth it to argue with him, he won't change his mind. I rather have Castle, any day. At least Castle can be reasoned with and actually cares about what people have to add. The Centurion was the same a few days ago. His intentions were noble, yeah, but he didn't listen to anyone else's opinion outright. I kind of want to blame him for the mess we're in. If we had waited, I don't think we'd be in trouble with the city. I don't think we would've gotten kicked out. We should've had time to plan or get the militia on our side. I think maybe if they knew, they'd be with us on busting that operation. He didn't believe me when I said insisted I be near the front. Eric had to vouch for me, and even then he refused. I owe Eric for that. Caroline is back. I'm worried for her wellbeing. I know that I don't know her very well, but she seems ghostly. Almost like she drifts. I'm not sure if I'm the one dissociating or if she is. I feel bad for her. It still feels like it's my fault, and now that she's aware of what I've done through Halsey's eyes, I feel even more guilty. I didn't have to burden her with that. I'm exhausted, and so much is happening even on this Penrose. There's a lot in my head. Stripes is unwell, and I've gotta find a solution for him and probably soon. Coco is my best bet, but she's been so detached since we got here. I don't see her often, but I'm try to ground the poor girl, even if I'm slipping too. We've been really successful at deprogramming Stripes. I think you'd be proud of him. But... everything is going on and happening and I feel dead. No joke to be made here. I feel like nothing. I'm tired and upset, but I know there's nothing that can be done. I'm trying my hardest, but... it's just making me angry again. I really think that bad dream did a number on me. There, I was holding Ripley while she died. Just for me to hold her again while she was dying, but this time in the real world. I don't like that parallel. There's so many thoughts in my head, but at the same time there's nothing. There's just nothing. I feel completely hollow. It's just void and emotion. I don't know why I'm still carrying on when everything is hopeless. Well, I guess I've got reason now, because Cain asked me to stay. It's something, at least. I'll stay for them. Sorry this has become like, Mimic vents about the ongoings. I really just want to keep you caught up, in case somehow you're still able to see the site. I hope you are. Stay fresh, Mimic	Navigation - Home - Archive - Guestbook - More

Nov 12, 2056

Dear Sam,

I feel empty.
Things just seem to get worse, even with the glimmers of hope that occasionally come by. I just want to become a part of the void at this point and disappear into the shade.

I had an awful dream. I'm not even sure if it was a dream.
It was me, but... a me who had stayed with the Corporation. I know it wasn't who I was before, because my name was the same as it is now. But I'd... done terrible things. I mean, it's the Corp, so of course I did.

It was the lower portions of the Medical Department. The general area is called Medical Storage, not just because they store the medicine and equipment the upper section needs, but because this is where a majority of test subjects are kept. Lines of holding cells, and further back, stasis pods. I've been to this place in person before, I know it when I see it.

But it's... usually such a loud place. Not audibly, no, but the hivemind is violent in this area usually. The subjects are loud and the hivemind is nothing but their agony and despair. But in the dream, it was silent. I didn't pick anything up. Except one thing, I guess, a light ping.

Apparently there was some kind of disease that only effected the sanitized going around, and Kamabo was in a tizzy about it. This me had been tasked to cure it, I guess. But the tests for it weren't going well at all. One subject was Ripley...
And I found her in stasis, sanitized and in the worst shape. I can't describe it, it was just horrible. Kamabo is vile and that's such an understatement. I just wanted to help, but there was nothing I could do. I was lucid and I just wanted to wake up.

I disconnected her and she died in my arms. Just wanted to let her sleep. She kept asking why I'd done this to her.

And why have I done this to her?

She was right. I've caused so much hurt, and for what. My shitty, headstrong decisions have resulted in nothing but regret. I should've shut my mouth.
It's really no wonder why the team treats me the way they do.

I forgot who it was that said it, but... someone said it. That everyone treats me like a pet, that nobody respects me. I've known this forever, but...
I'm just glad I wasn't imagining it or making it up.
No one around here cares to listen to me. Even when I have important things to discuss. When I was finally able to inform the group about our latest intel, they hardly took it seriously. Some of them sharpened up when I informed them about the King's whereabouts, but it didn't mean anything.
I was spoken over, got cut off. There was snickering, talking. It had taken ages just to get to do this in person, all my messages in Satnet had basically gone unanswered and ignored. Brushed off like it was no big deal, even after I said it was important.

It wasn't just here. It's always been this way... and you know that.
It was you who told me you were proud that I spoke up that one day. Maybe that's the day I started realizing how everyone saw me.
I let everyone walk all over me. I'm too passive. And when I try to say anything, suddenly it's my fault. I'm the person in the wrong.
I guess because I'm just supposed to be some cute little thing and not much else.

It was blaringly obvious these past few missions. I already have issues with Trooper, but he speaks over everyone, especially those who call him out on his bullshit like I do. I stopped doing it at some point because it's just not worth it to argue with him, he won't change his mind. I rather have Castle, any day. At least Castle can be reasoned with and actually cares about what people have to add.
The Centurion was the same a few days ago. His intentions were noble, yeah, but he didn't listen to anyone else's opinion outright. I kind of want to blame him for the mess we're in. If we had waited, I don't think we'd be in trouble with the city. I don't think we would've gotten kicked out. We should've had time to plan or get the militia on our side. I think maybe if they knew, they'd be with us on busting that operation.
He didn't believe me when I said insisted I be near the front. Eric had to vouch for me, and even then he refused.
I owe Eric for that.

Caroline is back. I'm worried for her wellbeing. I know that I don't know her very well, but she seems ghostly. Almost like she drifts. I'm not sure if I'm the one dissociating or if she is.
I feel bad for her. It still feels like it's my fault, and now that she's aware of what I've done through Halsey's eyes, I feel even more guilty. I didn't have to burden her with that.

I'm exhausted, and so much is happening even on this Penrose. There's a lot in my head.
Stripes is unwell, and I've gotta find a solution for him and probably soon. Coco is my best bet, but she's been so detached since we got here. I don't see her often, but I'm try to ground the poor girl, even if I'm slipping too.
We've been really successful at deprogramming Stripes. I think you'd be proud of him.

But... everything is going on and happening and I feel dead. No joke to be made here. I feel like nothing.
I'm tired and upset, but I know there's nothing that can be done. I'm trying my hardest, but... it's just making me angry again.

I really think that bad dream did a number on me. There, I was holding Ripley while she died. Just for me to hold her again while she was dying, but this time in the real world.
I don't like that parallel.

There's so many thoughts in my head, but at the same time there's nothing. There's just nothing. I feel completely hollow. It's just void and emotion. I don't know why I'm still carrying on when everything is hopeless.
Well, I guess I've got reason now, because Cain asked me to stay. It's something, at least.
I'll stay for them.

Sorry this has become like, Mimic vents about the ongoings. I really just want to keep you caught up, in case somehow you're still able to see the site.
I hope you are.

Stay fresh,

Mimic

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